For the past 12 days, much of the nation has been subsumed by all things Queen, all day, every day. The coverage of the Queen’s death and funeral has, for better or worse, been relentless, and people have been talking about it everywhere from the local pub to your yoga class.
Some people might now be feeling pure relief that the funeral is over and that some sense of normalcy can resume. Many others, however, may be surprised by how anticlimactic and listless they feel in the aftermath of the national upheaval.
But for those who are feeling strange and aren’t sure why, there are psychological reasons why the end of the official mourning period might leave people feeling unexpectedly deflated.
Psychotherapist Gurpreet Singh, who works as a counsellor with relationship charity Relate, says that there is an emotional fallout after a colossal event like this.
“This is not about your views on the Queen and the monarchy,” he says, “because the nation has been on an emotional high, dealing with the initial shock, and then the realisation that the Queen was a pillar of the country, that our culture was orientated towards her. Losing someone like that is significant to our way of life and this has changed normality for a lot of people.”
For many people there is now a period of getting used to not seeing the Queen on television, or reading about her latest appearance in the news. As we have heard expressed frequently in the last week, the Queen has always been there, as part of our cultural identity.
The psychological effect of the state funeral itself should not be underestimated either. “Seeing the coffin go through the streets was an emotional journey for a lot of people,” says Mr Singh, “seeing that crown taken off the coffin is an emotional moment. Now that the funeral is complete, coming off that emotional high can leave you exhausted.
“Initially you might want a bit of quiet, then you have to return to life and get on with things, but that can feel oddly tiring. It’s a version of what happens to people after the funeral of a loved one, it can take some time for emotions to settle again”.
Then there is the fact that it is exhausting to be exposed to death and grief 24/7.
“This has been a brush with our own mortality,” says Mr Singh, “when a strong pillar in life is taken away, our own mortality comes into focus with this. The Queen was loved by a large part of the country, so her death, however you personally felt about her, is significant to behold, and it’s not a small thing for our psyches.”
Witnessing others express deep sadness can be tough as well. “Seeing people crying, or the messages that you can’t help but feel emotional about – and I’ve certainly seen some that just tear your heart out – affects us,” says Mr Singh. “The emotional highs are not just how we’ve personally felt, but how such a large community of people have felt, and so it’s all been massively magnified.”
All of this may be leaving people with a feeling of “what now?”. After losing a loved one, the weeks and months after the funeral can be the hardest once everyone goes back to their lives and the focus of planning the service is over. The end of the period of official mourning may have a similar effect on people for whom the build-up to the Queen’s funeral was a hiatus from their own reality. Now, real life is very much back in focus.
“There may be a lull now,” says Mr Singh, “while people process the shock, and then go through a grieving process.” In terms of the stages of the grieving cycle – anger, sadness, bargaining and ultimately an acceptance of the new way of life – Mr Singh says we’re early on, having only just experienced the shock of death. He says people will start to have thoughts about the future without this public figure – and seeing her replacement at familiar events.
“Next time Parliament has to open, who opens it? What about when the next Prime Minister is appointed? What about the Queen’s speech at Christmas, which you didn’t think you minded about but might seem so strange now? What happens when someone you know turns 100 and there’s no message from the Queen? These are some of the things we might be realising we took for granted and are having to adjust to in the days after the huge events.”
Mr Singh recommends that people take time to think about how they feel after such a momentous 12 days. “Part of the problem is that when you take something for granted or you think something like the Queen’s death won’t affect you, you don’t account for your own grief. It’s very easy to underestimate it, and it can take hold in more difficult ways. There’s every reason to talk about it with friends and family, because then you share the grief or whatever feelings it has sparked in you, and then you can process it.”
With the loss of a loved one, it is important to keep talking about them as time goes on, and Mr Singh says that while the Queen’s funeral may be over, it’ll be healthy for people to read and talk about her too sometimes.
“An article online, or a biography, or a new film, those seemingly small things can help you process your emotions too. Not forgetting someone is often people’s biggest fear, and that is not going to happen with the Queen. She will stay alive in our lives for a while, and so while life does ultimately have to move on, it’s good to talk and not shy away from the feelings this period will have stirred up in people across the world.”
All rights reserved. © 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited.