For when the academically rigorous institution we signed up for is, in fact, academically rigorous
We’re over halfway through term. The shimmering promise of the Cambridge lifestyle is starting to look a little less like I-feel-super-smart-all-the-time, and a little too much like I-want-to-go-and-stare-at-a-wall-and-forget-that-I-exist. Well, never fear! We’re here to help you claw your way back into the romanticised mindset that is potentially the only thing strong enough to get us through this term. Here’s a definitive list of media to consume, to go from being at Cambridge to ~being at Cambridge~.
You saw this coming, but it truly does speak for itself. Autumn atmosphere? Check. The soul-destroying deadlines of Yale? Relatable. Gilmore Girls works on so many levels – you can curl up in bed and use it to procrastinate (see below), or you can desperately attempt to emulate Rory Gilmore’s impossible standards of perfectionism. It’s got range.
Not pictured: the literal mound of work sitting ignored on my desk (Image credits: Martha Vine)
To get you up to speed: six incredibly pretentious Classics students at a university in the countryside have a “morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs” and become obsessed with aesthetics, death, hedonism and reading. This is a divisive one, but since most of us humanities students are basically inside the book at this point (minus the murder) I am morally obligated to recommend it. Yes, all the characters are annoying, but you probably will have met exact versions of these annoying people around Cambridge, because we exist in a world of trench coats, over-caffeination, and classical literature. There’s no guarantee that you’ll enjoy it, but it will definitely make you a more insufferable person, and isn’t that the aim of life?
Look at the pride in his eyes — you, too, could have that self-assurance for the low price of £9.99 at Waterstones (image credit: Martha Vine)
The moment a single orange leaf appears on any tree within a five-mile radius, the Harry Potter marathon starts. If you actually have compulsory lectures to attend (can’t relate) and don’t have precisely 19 hours and 39 minutes to spare, go for the Half-Blood Prince, because as we’re hauling ourselves out of Week 5, I too would love to put myself into a Vanishing Cabinet.
This works especially effectively if you’re at an old college because you can just pretend it IS Hogwarts, minus all the owls (Image credits: Martha Vine)
Driving out the imposter syndrome in a healthy way isn’t as fulfilling as screaming ‘I feel like I’m the worst so I always act like I’m the best’ at yourself in the mirror. Other notable lyrics include:
“don’t do love, don’t do friends, I’m only after success,”
“If I fail, I’ll fall apart,”
and “High achiever don’t you see, baby, nothing comes for free.”
We were not, in fact, satisfied after repeatedly embarrassing ourselves in a supervision. (image credit: Martha Vine)
Not quite in keeping with the dark academia aesthetic, but necessary nonetheless. Having a bad day? Supervisor wrote “ouch” on the first line of your essay? Been there. Put on a pantsuit and/or an entirely pink outfit, do the bend and snap in the mirror, and strut down to Sidgwick site where you can pretend that the together-ness of your outfit means that you’re also super organised about that essay that’s currently sitting unwritten on your laptop.
What, like it’s hard?
Didn’t expect this, I’ll bet. But Horrible Histories is the ideal TV show, because while you are achieving objectively nothing while watching it, the fact that it’s very loosely about history means it counts as work. Sort of. Somehow watching an actor dressed in a wig singing about Henry VIII’s six wives is so much more appealing than actually opening a textbook.
And just a word of warning; never, ever, watch those youtube videos about ‘a day in the life of a uni student,’ because those people exist in a sphere of being that normal humans simply can’t reach – wake up at 6am and do yoga before my lectures? Would rather die! Why actually be productive when you could romanticise doing work you’ll never really get around to?
Feature Image credits: Martha Vine, and Facebook/ 2 Cam 2 Fess
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