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Home Dartford News Article
A much-loved Dartford man has been hailed as a “super hero” in the wake of his tragic death last year.
Amarjit Singh Shokar took his own life at the age of 52 in October after suffering from depression – and while his brother Gurjit said the family were devastated by his loss, he explained that even his last act was carried out in a way to help others.
Now Gurjit and the family are on a mission to prevent further deaths due to mental health issues and, having raised £11,500 for MIND charity, they remain committed to keeping Amarjit’s memory alive.
“He was a real life super hero,” said Gurjit. “He put everyone else first. He actually took his own life in such a fashion that it preserved all his organs because he was an organ donor and there are several people alive today because of him – four actually.
“His whole life was helping other people. Once he ran into a burning house in Ramsgate and got the family out before the fire brigade arrived.
“He had that Robin Williams syndrome where he was keeping everyone else happy, we just didn’t see the unhappiness inside him.
“He was just an all-round lovely man. His heart was pure and he hated seeing anyone sad or angry. He wanted to consume all their anger and hatred and give them nothing but love.”
He said the trauma of losing his brother had inspired the family to take action to prevent further deaths.
“My wife and I found him,” he added. “We don’t want anyone else to experience this.
“We ask what we could have done differently. The signs were there – he was suffering, but his normality became our normality.
“He was in so much pain mentally, however we couldn’t see it, but the grief and the guilt that we feel today, knowing that we should have done things differently – these are the things that we don’t want any other family to go through.
“There has to be a purpose from this experience.”
On Tuesday this week, MIND North Kent presented a plaque commemorating Amarjit to the family at his home in Dartford, but Gurjit explained the work in his brother’s memory would carry on.
“I was sad,” said Gurjit, speaking after the presentation. “I didn’t actually think it would be as sad as it was. His whole legacy was in this plaque.
“We’re actually on a crusade now to tell everyone – after this experience there has to be a response to help others.
“We don’t want to talk about suicide, we want to talk about the devastation that it leaves behind.
People that take their own lives aren’t always aware of this, because of the stigma around it all and it being a taboo subject created by society.
My parents have challenged me to get out and talk to everyone to make sure this doesn’t happen to someone else’s family.”
Gurjit believes a crucial aspect is to make suicide a subject people can freely discuss, and change the way they approach it.
“Our language as a society is wrong,” he explained.
“We need to change it – we say ‘what a selfish act’ when we talk about suicide, but it’s not selfish, they’re ill.
“People in that state of mind will catch on to those words, and say ‘yes I’m selfish, I’m a burden’. People will say ‘didn’t they think of the family?’ No they have convinced themselves that what they are doing is the right thing. People don’t know this side of it.
“Had my brother, or others who have taken their lives, known of the devastation it leaves behind, and that it will ruin their entire family’s lives, maybe they wouldn’t have taken that decision. However, I don’t blame my brother for doing what he did – it was the illness that took him.
“The world is not a better place without them, it’s a worse place without them.”
“We need to discuss these things more, but who wants to talk about death? I’ve spoken to quite a few families that have gone through this – they feel like society has shamed them and embarrassed them into not talking about it.
“One in four people are suffering from mental health problems. That’s one in most families, but there’s not enough investment – the charities are running on fumes. On average there are 15 cases a day that are reported in England alone – and that’s just the ones that are reported. It’s not acceptable.”
Amarjit’s family are now calling on community groups, schools and places of worship to discuss mental health problems, and say sharing their story is one way of encouraging progress.
“He had everything to live for,” added Gurjit. “He had a loving family who he adored and we all adored, he was my hero, unfortunately his depression got the better of him. Now we have no closure and only he had the answers over why he did this, but it’s the illness.
“This is why we are sharing so no other family ever loses a loved one to this illness.
“Look out for the signs, the loneliness too. Listen to them, get them help. Firstly believe that this is a real illnesses, just because we can’t see the suffering it’s real.
“It’s the number one silent killer in the world, but it’s only silent because we don’t talk about it.
“We are intimidated into this fear of not talking about. Please challenge your groups, your places of worship, schools, other groups etc, as this effects everyone not any particular religion or faith, please don’t be ashamed thinking this will cause embarrassment to your communities.
“I say this because I’ve experienced this already and so have the millions of families before me.”
For more information on North Kent MIND, click here.
For confidential support on an emotional issue, call Samaritans on 116 123 at any time or click here.
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