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Kiwis have always done their own thing. Much to the disgust of the rest of the world. But while others don't understand, Kiwis will continue to embrace their unique take on classics.
For decades we Kiwis have been known for having a DIY, number 8 wire mentality.
Whether that has been in the paddock or in the shed we’re known on the global stage for making do with what we have.
And the same can be said when it comes to being in the kitchen or at the dairy and making do with what we have in the cupboards.
Over the years we have had some rather stunning food mashups that on paper shouldn’t go together. However, they just work.
But if you were to tell the world about some of our delicious mashups there is no doubt tourists or foreigners would screw their nose at our suggestions and tell us we’re crazy.
And they would be right. On that note, we look at some classic, and not-so-classic Kiwi food mashups that you should hesitantly be proud to tell your foreign friends about.
PIE SANDWICH
If you haven’t had one of these then you probably never went to high school in the 90s or 2000s in New Zealand.
An absolute classic, students would buy a pie and a loaf of bread from the bakery before school.
How is it done? If you have a full loaf, you dig the inside out to make it hollow, insert one or two meat pies into the centre, add sauce if you want and smash it back bite by bite.
I call this the bread double pie sandwich
The alternative way is putting it between two slices of bread or a bread roll. It made for an insane carb overload but it was an absolute staple of the teenage school diet.
This is also called a cardiologist’s worst nightmare. Or The Widowmaker.
If you haven’t tried it then don’t hate on it, just embrace it. Honest. It’s boss.
NOODLE SANDWICH
If your cupboard was looking empty or you were a poor uni student, this hearty meal probably got you through many cold winter nights on a shoestring budget.
It’s as simple as it sounds. Two-minute noodles on buttered slices of bread. The key was making sure the noodles had drained enough so your bread didn’t go soggy.
If you’re feeling more adventurous you could get gourmet noodles with added flavour and kick to make the sandwich Michelin-star standard.
In the uni halls, you could often overhear people talking about how they made the “meanest” noodle sandwich and would regularly share tips on how to take your noodle game to the next level.
The cuisine proved so popular an Australian cafe even created their own Mi Goreng Toastie stuffed with noodles, melted cheese, a fried egg and spicy mayo.
LASAGNE TOPPER SANDWICH
Leftovers and sandwiches are a Kiwi pastime. And a lasagne topper sandwich is no different.
Who doesn’t love hearty Kiwi beef bolognaise topped with mashed potato and cheese topped off with a golden crumb shell?
Add it on a sandwich and you have heaven.
As one friend told me: “Lasagne topper sandwich is my jam and it should be on the menu of every restaurant in the country”.
Who could argue with that?
BUTTER CHICKEN PIE
While this isn’t a strictly Kiwi thing, butter chicken pies are EVERYWHERE in New Zealand.
Whether you’re at a bakery or a petrol station, these bad boys are often on the menu.
When my Australian friend Derek Drongo asked me about what pies to try while in New Zealand, without hesitation I told him he must try a butter chicken pie.
After trying one, his response was: “This is an absolute gamechanger. I feel like I’ve missed out on years of happiness.
“It was one of the first things I laid my hands on after touching down, I have had some pies before in my lifetime, but this, this was just something else.
“Never have I seen such staple dishes from two countries blend together so beautifully.”
I rest my case.
MARMITE AND CHIP SANDWICH
Ah the old classic. This was a popular option with kids in their school lunches. The key was to not make it too early before eating otherwise the chips would go soggy.
It’s super popular in New Zealand and Australia, but the sandwich often divides Kiwis because of Marmite’s polarising taste.
Another discussion point about the marmite and chip sandwich is what flavour chips to use.
The most common is ready salted but salt and vinegar is a popular secondary choice.
It’s safe to say you’d struggle to get many foreign friends to want to wrap their lips around this delicacy.
MINCE ON TOAST
Finely ground meat on sliced bread. Simple enough that it’s impossible to go wrong, right? Wrong. As the Brits say, it’s a “monstrosity” and an “abomination”.
But they’re wrong. Case closed.
This is a Kiwi parent’s go-to when they can’t be bothered putting in any effort for dinner because the kids have made not just their day hell, but likely their whole week.
It’s still made with love and tastes delicious. If your parent was feeling extra loving they’d sprinkle cheese on top to let it melt in.
If you were naughtier than normal the mince would be served with peas.
Either way, Kiwis need to keep repping mince on toast and the Brits need to learn what real cuisine is.
TINNED SPAGHETTI PIZZA
Italians would be outraged if it ever made its way to Europe and ruining two Italian delicacies on one dish would cause an end to diplomatic ties.
Yet somehow Kiwis have taken two pretty decent creations and made it even better.
Spaghetti pizza is so Kiwi that even former Prime Minister Bill English went viral for showcasing his homemade version of the mashup.
It made global headlines, and Dominos Pizza jumped on board to make a hybrid spaghetti-pineapple pizza.
US talk show host Jimmy Kimmel slammed English’s creation, joking that he declared war on Italy with one pizza.
He went on to say English might be worse than Donald Trump.
“We can be pretty hard on Donald Trump but they have a guy in New Zealand, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, a gentleman named Bill English, who I think is even worse and I’m going to show you why,” Kimmel said.
“Not only did he put [tinned spaghetti] on a pizza – he put it on a pineapple pizza. He put canned spaghetti and pineapples on a pizza.
“This mother… That is so offensive. That is an act of war.
“I think he just declared war on Italy … and maybe Hawaii too.”
DRY WEETBIX WITH BUTTER AND MARMITE
The thought of dry Weetbix makes most mouths sigh. But if you’re feeling peckish for something a little salty then this might be worth giving a crack.
Some people even put melted cheese on top.
You know it’s legit when even Weetbix is advertising Marmite as a spread for their product!
KIWI ONION DIP AND CHIPS
The go-to when you’re going to a friend’s house and you don’t know what snacks to bring.
It’s so easy to make and goes with EVERYTHING.
I don’t know any other country that uses reduced cream and soup mix for dips, but they totally should.
While this isn’t a crazy cuisine, it’s unique to New Zealand and we should be proud of our creation.
RASHUNS AND NOODLES
I know. This is crazy and maybe something you haven’t heard of.
But according to one of the creators of Heil’s Kitchen, a page started by the Mongrel Mob to encourage people to eat healthier, Rashuns and noodles is the ultimate prison food.
In an interview with Guy Williams on New Zealand Today, the Mob member said putting Rashuns on top of your noodles and mixing it in was a delicacy in jail that inmates would crave.
The cheesy bacon flavour would add to the noodles and create a dynamic taste.
Williams might not be a fan, but that shouldn’t put you off trying for yourself.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
– Cheese rolls aka Southland Sushi
– Plain biscuits and butter
– Honey and cheese sammies
– Maccas fries with ice cream
– Raro and your fingers
– Doritos, vanilla essence and coke (A colleague swears this was a thing. I don’t believe her but if any former students from Onehunga High School could verify that would be appreciated.)
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